


I Want This Shit Forever

by lovehugsandcandy



Category: Ride or Die (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 12:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19812199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovehugsandcandy/pseuds/lovehugsandcandy
Summary: Drabbles of Ellie and Colt and baby, thrown together with no semblance of plot, but hopefully a semblance of love.





	I Want This Shit Forever

Ellie sighed, deep in her bones, and it still didn’t wake up the slumbering idiot behind her. 

She could feel every inch of him pressed against her back, breath hot on the back of her neck, arm hotter where it awkwardly snaked around her. She remembered when this kind of heat inflamed her, when it made her weak and pliant and putty in his hands, to be molded boneless and sex-drunk by his fingers and his lips and him, every part of him that worshiped her with single-minded devotion.

But this? She was just hot. And huge. And miserable. This was the worst.

She sighed again, louder, the rumble in her throat a warning. Still he didn’t stir.

She rolled her eyes and moved his arm, throwing it back with a bit for force than necessary before she struggled out of bed and down the hall. Everything hurt and she was tired, so tired, and emotional and fat and hot and this was the worst. She grabbed a glass of water, as cold as she could get the tap to run, holding it to her cheek as if it would do something, anything about the inferno inside her.

“El-”

She rolled her eyes. She just wanted to be miserable in peace.

“Ellie, you ok?”

Colt shuffled into the kitchen behind her, barely awake. She didn’t even think his eyes were open, hands tracing the walls, feeling his way through their small apartment.

She didn’t even feel bad. He didn’t have their child growing inside of him. She hadn’t slept in weeks.

He blinked when she didn’t answer, blurry eyes finally finding hers. “Ellie? Are you ok?”

“No.” The speed with which tears erupted in her eyes was embarrassing. She couldn’t even be appropriately annoyed without breaking down. “No, I am not ok.”

He stepped closer, looking wary. “What’s wrong?” He tried to cover up his yawn but it didn’t work, only served to infuriate her more.

“Everything! I can’t sleep, I’m too hot and I’m so tired and you are like a freaking furnace in there.”

He reached out to touch her but she swatted his hands away, instead taking giant gulps of water as if it would cool her temper along with her body.

“Do you want me to sleep on the couch?” He edged by her to open the freezer, holding out the ice cube tray to her.

She took a deep breath, balling her hands into fists. Ice. _Of course_. It was probably easy to be so smart when you were operating on consecutive days of uninterrupted sleep.

“No, I don’t want you to sleep on the couch!” She pushed the ice tray away.

“What do you want?” His voice was measured, weary. He wasn’t even engaging, too tired to battle with her.

Her shoulders dropped. “I don’t know. I just feel so uncomfortable, all the time.” She hated how her voice wavered but, if there was one person she could be weak in front of, it was the one person who wholeheartedly believed in her strength.

His eyes softened as he looked her over and he cracked the tray, pulling a couple of cubes out. Careful hands caressed the nape of her neck as he lifted her hair up and slowly traced the ice over her skin.

She couldn’t stop the sigh that filtered through her lips as the bite of cold took some of the edge off, dulling the burn in her body, becoming more of a smoldering flame than a bonfire licking at her body.

“Better?”

She could only nod, murmuring assent as he drew swirling designs on her neck, pulling at her shirt to get at her shoulders. As it melted, the water dripped down her spine, the rivulets trailing down a meandering path that took her breath away.

It felt so good.

She moaned, would have been embarrassed by the throaty noise, but noticed how Colt’s eyes darkened as he watched her.

At his look, at the sensations, ice water sparking her overheated skin, she was starting to get warm again, but a different kind of warmth. This kind started from her core and emanated though her nerves so that every part of her was buzzing. This was the good kind of warmth, the kind that couldn’t be sated by water and ice, but instead by the man in front of her, whose eyes were the flames that would burn her in the best of ways.

“Ellie…” His voice was a warning, hands sliding the ice down her arms. The goosebumps that followed were definitely not because of the cold.

She bit her lip and smiled. “You know, since we are both awake now, I can think of some amazing uses for this ice.”

And after, after the flames in her body had been stoked and teased and had burned her to the point of absolute delicious exhaustion, after, for the first time in weeks, Ellie slept.

~~~~~

Colt was shrugging on his shirt when Ellie pulled back the curtain.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” Ellie slid her phone back in her purse. “Riya said she was going to try to put Cora down for a nap now.”

“Good. I’m gonna make a work call, if that’s ok?”

Ellie nodded, sliding into the seat and taking off her shirt. “I’ve got it.”

She settled into the seat as Jim, the tattoo artist, set up his equipment, shuffling into a comfortable position while he opened the sterile needle in front of her. She and Colt had talked about getting a tattoo to commemorate their growing family for ages, a long time. He had favored some truly horrific designs but Ellie had wanted a heart with Cora’s name in it, held firm. Finally, they compromised. At Ellie’s demand, they would each get a heart, their daughter’s name in delicate script on a curling ribbon in the center. Colt would only agree if he could choose the location, left shoulder blade, and if the heart was black, nixing the deep red Ellie favored.

Ellie smiled to herself. Relationships were all about compromise. Or, as far as she and Colt were concerned, compromise meant heated discussions and pleading until he remembered how irresistible she was and folded.

Jim grabbed the stencil and placed it against her back, grabbing a pen. “I like it. It’s almost exactly like your husband’s.”

She murmured noncommittally and then opened her eyes. “What do you mean almost?”

“Well, you won’t have the exact same tattoo, he asked me to add-”

“WHAT?!?!” Thankfully, he had just started and managed to pull the pen away seconds before Ellie sat up to glare at him. “He changed it?!?!”

He leaned back in his chair. “Well, yeah. He wanted-”

“I’m gonna kill him.” She grabbed her shirt, barely pausing to make sure that it covered her when she threw it on, and stormed into the waiting room. “COLT KANEKO!”

He was on the phone, a muttered conversation in the corner, away from the bored eyes of the receptionist. His head snapped to her as she stormed in, all fire and fury. 

His eyes widened as she approached, muttering “Just get it done” before hanging up to face her head-on.

She couldn’t keep the snarl from her voice. “What is your tattoo of?”

“A heart?”

“You liar. The tattoo artist said it was different. You promised we would match!” She was barely able to stop herself from reaching out and throttling him. “What, is your family not important enough, tough guy?!?”

He blinked at her and sighed. Slowly he peeled the shirt off his back and turned. “Take the bandage off. See.”

Huffing, she ripped the tape off, smiling at his wince. The smile dropped off her face as she moved the bandage aside and could see what was underneath.

“Oh, Colt.”

It was still red, skin tender where the needle had etched the careful design. And he was right, it was a heart, black and carefully shaded against his skin. However, unlike hers, there were two ribbons; the bottom had Cora’s name, written in the same simple script as her tattoo. However, the top ribbon…

“You got my name on it.”

He turned to her and shrugged. “Yeah. My two favorite girls.” He reached up to caress her cheek. “The two most important people in my life.”

Damn, she was weak for this man. She couldn’t help but reach up to pull his lips to hers, pouring her appreciation and love into every kiss, every touch.

“Excuse me?”

She held onto him tighter, leaning into his space until their bodies were one, even the sunlight filtering in through the window unable to get through where their bodies were melded together, lips and hips together casting one shadow on the wall.

A throat cleared behind her. She kissed harder. Then a cough. Another one, louder, a warning. “Did you want that tattoo or not?”

She turned to look at Jim. “Do you think it’s too late to make an addition to it?”

~~~~~

Colt froze as he walked into the apartment, his heart stopping. He thought that the “OMG help” text Ellie sent had been because Cora was giving her a hard time. She had always been wild, inheriting both the spirit of her mother and drive of her father, but turning three had unleashed such a new level of dysfunction on their household that Colt was unsure they would recover from it.

He was expecting his daughter to be bouncing off the walls when he got home. Instead, it was silent and still, empty, and his home had been ransacked.

His breath caught in his throat as he surveyed the damage. Trash was everywhere, papers and belongings thrown haphazardly around by someone looking for something. Paint was dripping off the kitchen table, a puddle of blue spreading on the hardwood, and every single chair was overturned. 

The whisper came involuntarily. “Ellie?” His stomach was falling, turning. _Where was his family?_

The worry, the terror, that flashed through him quickly, mind moving quickly onto a plan: search the house, then call the crew. The rage came next, a quick blinding fire in his blood; anger was the emotion he knew best, the port in any storm that he could call on. If they _dared_ touch his family….he was going to ruin them.

Whatever they were looking for, he doubted they found it. Most anything worth stealing was at the shop, tucked away in a safe in his office. He kept a small cushion of cash under a floorboard beneath their bed but not enough to be worth this level of destruction. 

He wandered to the kitchen and it was no better in here, half-eaten lunch on the counter, flour coating the ground. The dishwasher was open, bubbles foaming and spilling onto the floor. He swallowed, hard, jaw working overtime.

“Ellie?”

No answer. He moved through the apartment, checking the bathroom. Empty but, like the rest of the house, it was a disaster. The mirror was definitely not broken when he left this morning and the shower curtain had been intact, not in pieces, submerged in grimy water in the tub.

A little louder. “Ellie?!?”

Still no answer.

His hands started shaking and he balled them into fists. He knew exactly who did this, who wanted retribution for the latest job he pulled. He had been trying to keep Ellie and Cora away from his work but, apparently, it had come calling. If they laid a hand on his family, if they so much as thought about laying a hand on his family, he would kill them, destroy them, relish ending them as a message to anyone else who dare threaten the people he loved.

He swung Cora’s door open; apparently, they had been looking in here as well, dresser drawers open and askew, clothing everywhere. They had even pulled the books from her bookshelf, bedtime stories he knew by heart, open and crinkled on the carpet, wild things gnashing their terrible teeth as they looked up at him.

He was going to kill them.

He slowly opened his bedroom door and peered in, letting out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. It was a disaster in here too, clothing covering the floor like it was carpet, but, in the middle of their bed, Ellie and Cora were curled up, safe and sound and fast asleep. He could see where Cora had tossed and turned by the blue on the sheets, only a fraction of the paint that covered her body and clothes. What wasn’t blue was white, flour sticking to her hair like it had been shocked grey, streaks of it on her face. Ellie wasn’t any better, paint and flour and marker drawings covering her skin like amateur tattoos.

He kicked off his shoes and slid into bed behind her, dropping a soft kiss on her shoulder. The sleepy smile that greeted him when she turned brought tears to his eyes.

“You have something on your face.”

“It’s a unicorn,” Ellie whispered. “Cora drew it.”

He clutched her closer. “Of course.”

“Colt?” She was already fading, eyes drooping as she spoke, slowly. “Next sick day, you’re staying home with her.”

He smiled and nodded, watching Ellie fall back asleep before he also joined in on nap time.

~~~~~

“I am _not_ my father.”

Ellie’s eyes burned into him, nostrils flaring. “You sure are acting like it! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

Colt could barely think over the sound of his teeth grinding, jaw clenching as he worked to keep down words better left unsaid. “This is why I didn’t tell you, I knew you would react like this.”

“Oh,” she scoffed. “The problem is my reaction, not that you’re hiding things from me?”

He had to take a deep breath; he could feel the anger rising, muscles tensing, ready to fight, but in front of him was the one person he swore he would never hurt.

She continued, “This is just like something Kaneko would have done, you know.”

“Stop it!” He had to bite his tongue, hard, teeth digging into the tender flesh to have something else to focus on, somewhere else he could channel his rage. “I am not-”

“I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?” She swiped an angry hand over her face, glaring daggers at him. 

He took a deep breath, hands clenching into fists, feeling his nails dig deep crescents into his palms, additional pieces of pain to focus on, to keep the curses and invectives in.

This is exactly why he didn’t tell Ellie about the East LA job. Or the Rolling Hills job. Or the Manhattan Beach job. Or any of the jobs the crew had pulled when he was trying to convince her and everyone else that he was nothing but a meager auto shop owner struggling to make it work in Gramercy Park.

“Mommy?”

Cora stumbled out of her room, eyes hazy, still clutching Billy, her stuffed cat companion that never left her side.

Colt let the breath out through his nose. And there was the reason he couldn’t be a meager auto shop owner, not anymore. The two reasons, Cora and Ellie, the two people he would move heaven and earth for, lift priceless sports cars for, so they would never want for anything. Hell, he would kill for them; he didn’t really think moving tons of metal was that bad in comparison.

Cora’s face lit up when she saw him and she made to run to him, into his arms, when Ellie’s quick hands reach out and plucked her up, pulling her away.

“But Mommy…” Cora’s mouth fashioned into a pout. “Daddy said we could get ice cream after nap!”

“NO!” Both Colt and Cora stared at Ellie as her shout echoed around the apartment. “You’re not going _anywhere_ with him.”

Colt froze, staring at her, at the collision of his past and his present taking his breath away.

“But Mommy…”

Colt couldn’t breathe, blinking slowly at the pair; he was no stranger to heartbreak but this was the first time he could feel his heart physically shatter, pieces falling through his rib cage to land at this feet. His voice shook. “I have to go.”

“But Daddy…” 

“Sorry, Cora, we can go later.” He didn’t even look at Ellie, keeping his eyes trained on his daughter as he backed away, hand grasping for the doorknob behind him. He had to go.

He could barely see the hallway, the stairs, the road in front of him as he drove, away, away, needing space, needing distance from his present and his past and his everything. As he sat on the cliff, head in his hands, he knew that he would never be able to outrun it all; you couldn’t get distance from yourself.

He heard the tires on the gravel, the slam of the door, the footsteps approaching, and let out a deep breath. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was, just kept his eyes on the horizon, water fading into sky in front of him. The cliff always soothed him but comfort was wanting today, even with the lapping of the waves below his feet. And, of course, it was where she knew to look for him.

“Hi.”

He didn’t answer, didn’t stir, just kept looking out. Were those seagulls?

“Can I sit?”

He shrugged, didn’t even turn as she sank to the ground next to him.

“Colt, I’m sorry.” She put a gentle hand on his arm; when he didn’t turn, she removed it to fold it into her lap. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“You did.” His voice came out hollow.

“I didn’t.” She shifted next to him. “I am still pissed as hell but I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged again. If these were seagulls, they were fucking idiots because one just dive-bombed in to the waves like it had a death wish.

“Where’s Cora?”

“I dropped her off with my dad. They were going to hit the playground.”

He tried to temper down the flash of annoyance at the detective spending time with his daughter when he had been planning on getting her ice cream; he knew he failed by the bite in his voice. “Don’t dare tell me I can’t see her.”

“Colt, that’s not what I meant! I was just pissed”

He just stared at the stupid seagulls with no sense of self-preservation, being buffeted by the unyielding waves beneath them.

“Colt, would you just look at me!?!”

“My mom said that to me, those exact damn words.” He turned his head to look at her; she was calmer but he could see the flush of her cheeks, the familiar blaze in her eyes that he loved every time it was directed at someone other than him.

“Said what?”

“ _You’re not going anywhere with him_.” He turned back to the waves. “About my dad.”

“Colt, I’m sorry…” She rested her hand on his arm again but, this time, she didn’t back away. “I didn’t know.”

“I know.” he shut his eyes, watching the scene in his head, one of many that would play out in a constant loop of madness when he had too much time to think. “I was 12 and I was staying with Pop more and more. His job was flexible, obviously, so he would make sure I caught the bus to school. I started staying some weekends too, hang out at the garage. We were supposed to go away for the weekend, drive up the PCH to San Fran.”

“Colt…”

He looked down at his hands. “Until my mom stormed in. Screaming, cursing. She was pissed. Apparently he was also going to San Fran to meet with a few contacts about a job, a big one. She was furious, wouldn’t let me go with him, said she wouldn’t let me out of her sight.”

Her hand slid down the jacket and slid into his palm; he twined their fingers together with a squeeze. Was he the seagull, buffeted by a past he couldn’t escape until he fell, headfirst into the water?

“After that, I barely saw him. I tried to get more involved, in the crew, in the garage, but…she moved me out East when I was 16. And you know the rest of the story.”

“Colt, I would never keep Cora from you. Ever, ever, ever.”

“Even if it was better for her?” He dropped his head. “Ellie, what if I am my dad?”

She grabbed his cheeks in both hands, turning his head so she could stare into his eyes, face solemn. “You’re not. Colt, you’re not your dad, you’re not.”

He couldn’t lift his eyes, weight of the world and his choices dragging him down.

“You’re not.” Ellie sighed. “Would you leave?”

“WHAT?!?” His eyes snapped up. “What are you-?”

“Would you leave me? Would you leave Cora?”

“Never.” He shook his head, incredulous. “Never, Ellie. There is nothing on earth that would keep me from you two, I would die befor-”

“I know.” She pulled him close, arms around his neck so she could speak in his ear. “That’s how I know you’re not your dad.”

He pulled back to look at her, her eyes shining at him. He couldn’t let her down.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “No apology for committing multiple felonies and moving millions of dollars of merchandise with no warning?”

“Uhhh….Multiple?”

He grimaced when she nodded. “Do you think I didn’t talk to Ximena and get the full story?”

“I’m not going to apologize for my job.”

She let her arms fall from his neck, leaning away from him. “And what if you went to jail? Wouldn’t that keep you away from me? From Cora?”

“I’m careful, El, I swear.” It was always in the back of his mind, it was, but it was his legacy, what he was best at.

She bit her lip, considering; Colt watched the gleam in her eyes, the gears turning as she thought. His jaw dropped. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“You want in.” He smirked. “I thought you were gonna ask me not to run the job. But that’s not it, is it?” He grinned triumphantly as he watched the blush spread across her cheeks. “You want in, don’t you?”

“I mean…I don’t want to drive, but…” Ellie glanced away, towards the horizon. “X said that you guys were still debating the escape route and I thought…”

Colt threw his arms around her, pulling her to the ground so he could pepper her face in kisses. “I fucking love you, you know that?” Or was he the waves, rough and turbulent against the shore, but always returning to the calm of the deep?

She giggled under the onslaught of his lips, squirming under him. “I have been known to have a good plan, once in a while.”

“Uh huh…” He had moved to her neck, gentle tongue tracing nonsense patterns.

“And it is us against the world, right?”

He pulled back to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Us against the world.”

“And I’m also not your mom.”

Colt froze to study her. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not leaving you either. Ever, ever, ever.”

He smiled, slowly, before dropping one last kiss on her lips and standing. He brushed off his jacket before he extended his hand, pulling Ellie to stand in front of him. “Us against the world.”

~~~~~

Colt stretched out in the chair and dug his feet in the sand, sighing. This was pretty great. He wasn’t even a beach person, one too many times with sand in inappropriate places tended to do that to someone, but he’d be damned if he was going to deprive Cora of something as simple as a beach day while Ellie was out with Riya. He knew she would come back soon with freshly painted toenails and chatter about Riya and Darius’s latest shenanigans.

He took a swig of his beer and watched Cora building a sand castle with some new friends, a complicated structure complete with turrets and a barn for the unicorns, of course.

“Oh my God, you almost look like a normal suburban dad.” He looked up, shading his eyes with one hand so he could smirk at Ellie as she walked over to him.

When she went in for a kiss, he pulled, sending her toppling over into his lap. He responded to her pout with a devilish grin. “I am completely respectable, thank you very much.”

“Ha. You don’t have a respectable bone in your body.”

“Mmmm…..” He cupped his hands around Ellie’s thighs and rolled his hips. “Would you like me to put a respectable bone in your-owww.”

She whacked him again, palm to his chest. “Some of the shit you say is decidedly not sexy.”

“It’s a good thing you’re sexy enough for the both of us.” He grinned, winding his fingers through her hair to pull her lips to his. She tasted like the sangria she and Riya loved and he deepened the kiss to chase every single drop.

“Ewwww….are you kissing?” He didn’t even hear the footsteps in the sand, so engrossed in his wife. Ellie turned at the voice.

“Not anymore,” he muttered at his cockblock of a daughter. “Hi, Cora. ”

The moment was quickly forgotten as Cora laid eyes on Ellie. “Mommy! I made a sand castle. Wanna see?”

“Of course, baby. One second.”

As Cora sprinted away, Ellie bent down, lips so close to Colt’s ear that the hairs on his arms stood up. “You can show me all your respectable parts later tonight.”

He could only stare, eyebrows raised, as she sauntered away, looking over her shoulder to blow him a mocking kiss.

He was so looking forward to fucking the respectability out of her.


End file.
